Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
