she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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