chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
