my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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