it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
