what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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