3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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