Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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