I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
