I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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