I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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