how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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