Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
