so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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