It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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