idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
