His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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