Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
