would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
