She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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