Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
