You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
