He uses pillows to masturbate.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
