Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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