and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
