Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
