also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
