I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
