you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
