We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
