Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
