And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
