Your mouth is God's brothel.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
