There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
4 words: hood of his car
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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