i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
