it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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