she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
