if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
