I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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