Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
