Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
