i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
