I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
