just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
