Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
