You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
