I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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