There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
