thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
