I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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