remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please come you make the beer taste better
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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