So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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