Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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