I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
