Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
