the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
