I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
