the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Mom said you looked used
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
