and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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