i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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