Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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