I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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