Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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